Wednesday, September 10, 2008

International Medical Outreach- My new Passion?

So tonight I've spent hours upon hours trying to create the perfect essays that will get me chosen to be apart of something called International Medical Outreach. It's basically a small-scale Doctor's Without Borders type program, except it's for pre-health students at FSU. They go to Jamaica, St. Vincent and Belize and do amazing things, even though they are just six or so students with basically no experience and two or three doctors leading the way. I have decided that I want to do this with a passion. I've only written two of the four essays, not because they are long and hard, but because they are short. I have a problem with writing down too much. My limit for each essay is 300 words, and like my mom said, "that's only half a blog". How am I supposed to tell strangers my background in 300 words? Well, I tried to do that very thing in the first essay. The second one wants to know why I'm interested in the program and how it relates to my future goals/interests in the health field. I don't think I did a very good job explaining this, but I gave it a shot.

So I'm going to post my essays, or what they are at this moment, right here for you to read, if you feel like being one wild and crazy guy (or woman, if you are one). If you have suggestions, or think they are both total pieces of crap, tell me about it. I know I've probably got some grammar issues. I'm not really sure how to do commas and semicolons and parentheses sometimes. I appreciate all the help I can get.
Here it goes...

My mom gave birth to me in our home in Tallahassee with the support of midwives, my papa, a group of good friends and family, and of course my three older siblings, although I have reason to believe they stayed out of my mama’s way. I tell you this because even though I can’t take credit for what happened that day, this beginning of my life tells a lot about who I am now.
I chose to go to a different kind of public high school; one with a population of two-hundred and thirty students and a tight nit group of teachers who love what they do. It was at this school that I met some of the most generous, creative, open, and loving people, and they quickly became a family to me.
During my high school career, I discovered that I have a true passion for playing the mandolin (who knew?), and have since started up a bluegrass/folk band. I also was involved with the Student Government Association and became the President during my senior year. I was active in the Drama Club all four years, the Dance Club where we got to create our own dances and perform them, and a Tai Chi class.
I graduated Valedictorian, (mind you my class size was only seventy-five), knowing that I wanted to be a nurse-midwife and that I would try with all my heart to make this world a little more cared for and loved.
I decided to come here for college with hopes of getting into the nursing program. So to cope with the huge community difference I applied for, and was accepted, into the Nursing Living and Learning Community, which turned out to be a great group of girls that are now my good friends and support.

I.M.O. is exactly the program that I have wanted to be apart of! Every ounce of my being wants to go to a place that is unlike the U.S.A., (which is fortunate in so many ways), to work hard, get a hands-on-experience, and share whatever it is that I have with people who really need medical help.
The moment I knew nursing was for me was when a man from the Maasai Warriors came to my school and told us about the need of medical attention in Africa. I thought about how prosperous we are here, and how it only makes sense that we go and help our brothers and sisters who are in need. I then realized that I could be the one making a difference. So even though it is my desire to focus on pregnancy and childbirth in my future career, this need to go and help others is what pushed me to choose a life in health care.
I appreciate my schooling and am thankful for it all, but I feel like I never do anything real with the knowledge I acquire, at least not yet. For the most part, my schooling has been from lectures and textbooks only. I’m ready to do something real! I don’t want to take a exam which only testes how good of a test-taker I am. I don’t want to write a paper that will be looked at once and thrown away. I want to help. I want to go to a beautiful land, with beautiful people who appreciate the small pleasures of life, and who can teach me things that aren’t taught about in textbooks. I want to be apart of a team of students and doctors who just wants to make a difference and who is actually doing it!

If you are interested, that picture really has nothing to do with this post. It's a photo taken of an organic farm in Belize. I just liked the look of it.


Ms. Moon said...

Those are beautiful essays! I have a few spelling/grammar suggestions but basically- those should do the job.

downtown guy said...

You know I gotta do this:
- tight knit, not tight nit (that makes me think of drunken lice)
- I don't like the phrase "during my high school career"" and I'm not even sure why. I would say "while in high school" and save myself a word.
- "So, to cope with the huge community difference, I applied" (you have to set that phrase off with commas)
Other than that little nit-picky crap, it's well written and really shows your personality.

- a part of, not apart of
- You can ignore this if you want, but I would rewrite this sentence:
"Every ounce of my being wants to go to a place that is unlike the U.S.A., (which is fortunate in so many ways), to work hard, get a hands-on-experience, and share whatever it is that I have with people who really need medical help."
"Every ounce of my being wants to go places different from those I have known to work hard, get hands-on experience, and share what I have with people who really need medical help."
(especially the "whatever I have part" - sounds like you don't know what you have to offer)
- don't use "schooling" twice so closely together
- "take a exam which only testes" hee hee - tests, not testes (aw, nuts)
- this one's awkward:
"I want to be apart of a team of students and doctors who just wants to make a difference and who is actually doing it!"
maybe: "I want to be part of a team of students and doctors who actually work to make a difference."

Other than that, girlio, you know you can write. They'd be fools not to take you.

honeyluna said...

Brother, you are a saver! Thank you for being so smart and for writing all those suggestions out. Most of those sentences that weren't working for you, weren't working for me either. So huge thanks for all those alternatives.
Thanks Mama for saying that my essays are beautiful. That means a lot coming from you, even though I know I can't always trust your judgment because you are my mom.


downtown guy said...

Glad to help! After all, this is what I do.

Miss Maybelle said...

I want to test some testes. Ha ha. Jessie, this program sounds so good for you. Aren't applications awful? Don't you just want to say, "Just take me, I am the best" and have them know this to be true? If you need any personal reference essays keep me in mind, talking about how great you are is one of my favorite things to do. Love and kisses.