Monday, July 6, 2009

From Chigger Bites to Scared of Life

I have two lovely chigger bites on my left ass cheek. They itch and it is inappropriate to scratch my behind in public. My MRI on my right knee shows that my knee is full of tears and three different kinds of cysts- Baker's, synoptic, and meniscus. I don't feel like looking all of these things up right now. I mean, I have lived with them for almost three years (or who knows, maybe longer) and I don't feel like it is a big deal. I just can't bend them all the way, and they hurt once in a while and I feel like I won't be able to have babies without extreme knee pain, and I get jealous of old people and young people alike who can squat and sit with their knees bent. OK, so maybe it is a big deal in my life, but it shouldn't be. Everyone I talk to has knee pain, it's just a way of life. Right? All I can do is wait and see. I've got an appointment with the Orthopedist two days after I get back from Jamaica, and hopefully it will all get better.

Speaking of Jamaica- I am leaving on Friday and it all feels so weird to me. I've never been out of the country and I know it's going to be good. But right now I am a bit anxious. I still haven't conquered taking blood pressure properly. Which ties into my entrance into the Nursing School. Today, one of the many things I did was go to Helen's Uniform shop to order the things FSU told me to buy. It was kind of fun. I felt like Harry Potter going to Diagon Ally to get all his Hogwarts' school supplies. There were three other girls from FSU getting fitted and asking the same questions I had in my head.

Do my shoes have to be bought from this store, can they be Reebok?... How many polo shirts do I really need to buy. If I have to wear them to class ever day I should at least buy two since I know I will get dark chocolate stains on it... Should I buy a new stethoscope that costs $118 compared to the $15 one that I bought... When will I get my freaking patches to put on my scrubs?

Actually, those were mostly my questions, but I couldn't help but wonder about what the future holds for me and those three other starry-eyed, scared shit-less, girls. Maybe the one with her mom and two younger sisters will become my best friend; we will study together and cry together, or maybe she will become my arch competitor. It is all very exciting and extremely scary for me.

I feel like I have a million and one things to say, nothing poetic or interesting really, but I figured it was time to write some words for the cyberspace world. I think I have been hiding from any sort of work or thinking. That is why my summer has been filled with reading Twilight, watching Heroes and True Blood, spending more money than ever necessary, and working a pretty straight forward job. It feels nice, other than the fact it makes me feel guilty to be using up my time not accomplishing anything. It's a break. I was tired of school and being alone, and now I am still tired of something, I just haven't figured it out yet.

And now I am tired of my emo thoughts. I think I will crank up the music and start packing now.

I'm adding pictures that I have recently taken with my new camera.


Ms. Moon said...

Jessie. Here you are trembling on the very verge of something so huge. And if anyone is ready for it, you are.
I could not be prouder of you. I just don't even have the words to say how much you mean to me.
I love you so.
Your pictures are beautiful, by the way. So are your words.

downtown guy said...

Hey, it's granny!

Okay, so your knee: at least now you know what the deal is. Knee pain sucks and is hard to get rid of, but you know there are options. My knees are shot to hell, due to various mosh pit and stumbling accidents, and yet I keep on going. You will, too!

You are gonna have such an amazing time out there.

michelle said...

Don't worry about bps or your shoes. Nsg school is notorious for focusing on the trivial. You just go out there and hold on tight to your true intention and the rest will come. If it's an option to get your knees fixed, I say get them done. Have a great time in Jamaica. It will be a life changing experience.

honeyluna said...

Mama- Thanks for your support and words. You mean that much to me too.

Downtown guy- Yes sir, that is Granny. She was feeling really good that day, and it's as good as time as ever to take her out or do something with her. She actually treated me to lunch and then went with me to buy my new shoes. It was a good time. And about my knees, I am grateful that I know that the pain comes from something not so mysterious anymore.

Michelle- Thanks so much for the reassurance. I'm sure I will be fine, it's just my style to worry or over-think about some things, but somehow I get it done. I am really excited about Jamaica and I will be sure to write about it when I return.

Lady Lemon said...

Hey, I came here from your mama's blog!

How exciting that you are about to start such an adventure! What a brave and exciting thing to do!

Enjoy your time there and take lots and lots of pictures. They'll be priceless to you one day.

Good luck and have fun!

May said...

Oh Little-Lamb! You are so brave and beautiful. Isn't it nice to know that you have a high pain threshold? And isn't it nice to get test results back and find out that there IS something wrong that perhaps can be fixed and this pain isn't a forever kind of pain? JUSTIFIED! HA! Your poor little knees. Maybe after they get fixed you can be a pole dancer like you always wanted and you won't have to worry about checking blood pressure. You'll be in the business of raising it up! Ho-ho!
I love you. Just remember that they picked you, and they won't ask anything of you that you can't do. You are a shining star, my love.

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Have a good, safe trip. You will do just great. You come from good stock, kid. I am one of your Mama's regular readers.

My cousin is in Mexico right now, helping out in the clinics. She is pre-med.

Your friend,


Petit fleur said...

Ok, I just did the thing you said you did the other day where you wrote this whole comment and it bleeped away. ugh. sorry! I'm afraid I'm one beer to the wind too many.

So, let's see. I think I said something about the storminess of youth and that you are right where you should be... Don't worry about the pb thing, you'll get it.

I am sorry that your knees are in pain, but you will be healed! You are doing all the right things and "they" can work miracles these days. I'll bet you can get one of those less invasive types of procedures.

Last but not least, the trip will be great! Bring a journal and snap lots of photos in all your spare time. hee hee! I love the photos on your post.

You are a beauty inside and out.
Safe travels.
xo pf

Steph said...

From what your Mama wrote, you have a pretty good idea of what you're getting into. My cousin went to Myanmar a year or so ago and had a rough time of it. Different area all together, I realize, but I think she wasn't really prepared in some ways to leave the comforts and safety of home behind.

I think you'll have a good time and learn a lot.

Can't wait to hear about it when you get back!

And then you can get your knees fixed!

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