Monday, February 2, 2009

Emotional Rant- You've been warned.


How can someone break your heart when you weren't even in love with him?
I don't understand, but it probably wouldn't help if I did anyways.

When I saw him in the room full of people I love, my heart started pumping so fast and hard, I think it was trying to spring out of my chest so it could beat him up.
"Let me at 'em", my heart was saying to me. "Let me show him what he did to us."

I'm not mad that I saw him tonight; it had to happen sooner or later. In fact, I secretly have been wishing to see him, but it definitely did not do for me what I wanted it too. The last time I was with him we were still a couple and I kissed him goodbye. That must be why tonight was so difficult for me. He didn't even say hello to me when I walked in, he looked at me once the whole night, and I know this because I couldn't help but stare at him. He looked a bit haggard and I wonder if I had something to do with that, or if it was just too much partying the night before. Selfishly, I hope it was me.

If I was an angry person, I would be so pissed off at him for showing up to my sister's house, knowing perfectly well that I was probably going to be there, and yet, I'm not angry, just teary-eyed and tired. I feel weak for wishing that he would realize he made a mistake and ask for me back, but since that's not going to happen, I should study some Anatomy and microbiology, because I have those tests on Wednesday and I can't just ignore that part of my life, although I desperately want too right now.

Anyway, I'm quite fine and normal I would say. Just hoping for some lighter days ahead.

On a lighter note, I was watching the news tonight and saw that picture of the world's greatest super hero champion swimmer, Michael Phelps, taking a hit from a bong, and it made me happy. Even the greatest Olympian of the world smokes weed. Let's think about that one for a moment. Aww, the irony of it all.

10 comments:

Ms. Moon said...

Oh Honey! He showed up last night? What was he thinking?
I totally misjudged that guy. I thought he had a good heart. I guess not.
Well, bless YOUR heart which I am sure is sore and bruised. But it will heal.
And he will still be a jerk.

honeyluna said...

I don't think he is a jerk, but maybe he is. I just think he wasn't thinking too clearly.

downtown guy said...

What are you up to tonight? Want to hang out?

honeyluna said...

No, I can't do any hanging out tonight. I have so much school work that I have to do in these next few days, it's making me even more crazy! Ahhh!
But thanks for asking. Thursday night I might be up to some hanging out and watching of the best comedy shows ever. Of course, that's after I get out of my super long Anatomy Lab, so maybe not even then. We will see.

downtown guy said...

Okay, get up with me, then. I haven't been able to watch tv shows in two Thursdays, so I'm up for it.

CMe said...

awwww im sorry girl. the songs are right: love sucks. love hurts.

Ms. Moon said...

Oh- I also wanted to say that I think it's ridiculous that the world is so shocked and fascinated by Michael Phelps smoking some weed.
Isn't it time we got over this and made it legal? Jeez.

honeyluna said...

Thanks CMe for your comment. And yes, there are a lot of songs that get things right, especially about love and relationships. By the way, do we know each other, or are we connected because of my mama's awesome blog?

Brother, I'll give you a call after all my school hoopaalaa is done with. I haven't been catching those shows either and I feel like I've lost so much from that alone. Hehe.

And Mama, you are so right. That's why it is so funny that this weed thing is the biggest news right now. Daddy and I had a good laugh about it this morning when he called me.

CMe said...

yes girl - its your fellow showgirl/trey girl from last new years eve (aka carla)! haha...

and about the weed - i saw a huge sign about marijuana prohibition stuff on gaines... quite eye catching! govt = silliness

honeyluna said...

I thought it was you Carla! That's neat that you have a blog too. I need to start reading other people's blogs other than just my family's.